How to teleport

Instructions on how to read this from the perspective that was intended are to be found elsewhere.

Step 1: Find a place where you will not be observed by any sentient being, teleportation cannot not be achieved while being observed*.

Step 2: Set yourself on a segment of the material you wish to teleport to (Carpet is best for this as it is easy to obtain and easy to move).

Step 3: Blindfold yourself (ping pong ball halves work best as they let in very little light).

Step 4: Picture yourself in the area you wish to be transported to (This may take anything from one minute to fifteen depending on your spatial intelligence).

Step 5: Remove blindfold, if no one was observing your teleportation you should find yourself in a completely different place!

*This would create a space-time paradox as the act of teleportation by imagination is not physically possible.